Get Your Sh*t Together Already

I am the queen of ignoring things.  Like this goes way past procrastination.  I just fee like I’m wired so freaking weird.  There are two parts to me on this, depending on how I’m feeling that day or even at that moment depends on how hard I hit the ground running and it almost always has to do with how much coffee I have in my system.

  • A) I get so determined that not even the devil himself could stop me from getting everything done and everything does get done.
  • B) I get so crazy overwhelmed by everything I need to do I just ignore it and find absolutely anything to distract me from my impending doom.

So Tuesday night I’m sitting on the couch with my husband and he’s watching something I’m totally not interested in and I’m scrolling through my phone and thinking of all the things and stuff I want to finish, get done, start doing blah blah blah blah.  It was about 8:30 so I had talked myself into that it was too late to go start doing laundry and mopping so my start was going to be “tonight is going to be the start of Tucker sleeping in his own room” *side note: our son has been sleeping in his toddler bed in our room because and I quote “it’s so spooky my room” this kid knows how to work it okay. *  I gave myself this pep talk about how I couldn’t let myself give up when he started crying and getting mad and throwing fits I was just going to tough it out no matter how late he ran with it.  The night comes and goes, it wasn’t all that bad actually.  We had a small battle for about an hour before he finally gave up and went to sleep, he woke up one time at 1:40 a.m. and I walked him back to his room and he went right to sleep again.  My alarm went off at 6:15 and I went straight past snooze and just turned that bitch off.  I waited for my husbands alarm to go off at 6:30 and after he got up and finished his shower. I got in the shower and here comes my little human wanting a shower too so here we are in this little shower washing me and washing him and then I’m like oh wait I need to shave my legs.  I get Tucker dried off and send him in the bedroom so I can finish my shower and shave.  At this point I’m like “Yupp totally owning this.  Tucker slept in his bed.  I’m actually shaving my legs.  We’re going to meet Tucker’s teacher today so I’ll put on some makeup to look not so raged.  It’s going to be a good day.” And then I get out of the shower….and look at the clock…’s 7:20.  Oh shit.  Still I don’t panic. It’s fine not a big deal. I just call my mom, she lives a few houses down from us, ask her to come get Tuck for me since she keeps him while I’m at work and of course she says yes.  Score for having great parents that live on the same street.  Okay now onto getting ready for work, not too to.  I throw on some shorts and my Stott’s Ford tshirt.  Working in a dealership really has its perks sometimes, like not having to figure out what to wear everyday.  Run in front of the mirror I don’t have time to dry and straighten my hair so I spray about half a can of hairspray in it and scrunch it up.   Hurry and coat my face in a layer of makeup and I’m running out the door at 7:40.  I get to work at about 10 till 8 so everything is good, I clock it and walk back to the body shop.  When I sit down at my desk I pull out a pen pad and a pen and decided it’s time to get my shit together.  Tucker is about to start school and I can’t be pulling this kind of stuff when he starts.  So my to-do list for the day went something like this

  1. Get in bed earlier tonight
  2. Go to the grocery store after work
  3. Finish that damn “First Day of Pre-K” board I started over a week ago
  4. Cook dinner
  5. Clean up
  6. Finish laundry and put it away
  7. Give Tucker a bath (so i can shower alone in the morning)
  8. Pack up old dish network box to mail back
  9. sweep the patio
  10. Update etsy listings

Before I know it 10:00 a.m. rolls around and I hurry and blow off the bondo dust on me wash the dirt off my hands and jump in the car and head back to Landrum to pick up Tuck and go meet his teacher.  I shoot a quick text to my cousin Crystal to tell her how much I’m dying that my baby is going to be in preschool this year and then it hits me…today was the 16th.  His meet the teacher is on the 23rd.  Great. Awesome. So I turn around and hurry back to work.  Crystal laughs at me after I tell her what I’ve done and I shake my head at myself because what is even my life. The rest of the day comes and goes with me feeling so determined to get my list done and I think to myself that I might  even show my honey a little loving wink wink.  Dear God how I hope I’m not the only  almost 30 wife that feels like she has to plan that time, I mean was is spontaneity anymore. 5:30 rolls around and I am covered in sweat, eyeliner melting down my face, and thanks to the evening down pour I’m walking around looking like a wet rat.  I am so done.  All I want to do is go home but we have a meeting with a realtor to go look a house.  The house was a flop and we get to my mom and dad’s to pick up Tucker at around 6:30.  I’ll spare you the details of how the evening went and just say this.  The only thing that got done on that list was the cook dinner part.  I couldn’t even be bothered with finishing the stickers for that stupid board.  What I did instead was make slime with Tuck which ended up being the highlight of my day and in my husbands words “let him cuddle the shit outta me”.

I’m still trying to figure out in what part of my day I lose all this focus and determination to get everything done.  Somewhere between tearing down bumpers and dealing with customers I get completely drained. I’m always left wondering how it feels like all these other moms and wives have everything all together and I can even pull myself to load the dish washer after dinner.  I mean, on my lunch break today I went home and instead of eating I threw a load of clothes in the washer and did the dishes from the night before.  Sometimes it bothers me that I’m not better than this and other times I look at what my family and I went through last year and I’m okay with the basket of dirty clothes sitting in the corner and I’m just thankful that I’m actually able to sit down with my husband and son as a family every night.  My question is how much do you have to have your shit together as long as everyone is happy and healthy?  Is being the okayest mom okay? And so begins the next viscious cycle of trying to get the list redone tonight and add “pack for Bristol” to the list because me and my honey are running off to Bristol, TN tomorrow for two days to watch the Nascar races!! I’m thinking I’m gonna get to get either a cup of coffee in me around 5, or stop and get a red bull on the way home, or either pop a hydroxycut black.  I haven’t decided yet.

See What Had Happened Was….*Disclaimer I am NOT a writer*

To get an understanding of why I am even here writing a blog today I feel like I need to rewind about 6 years to introduce who I was, it’s relevant I promise, and then who I am today.  Way back in 2012 this is who I was, I was the beast (it’s a thing, everyone gets a nickname there I’m not crazy).

I lived to race dirt track, every Saturday and sometimes Friday nights were spent with me loading the truck and trailer with my dad and heading to Harris Motor Speedway or Thunder Valley and driving around in the circles as fast as I could.  Sunday was for unloading and washing the cars after church and Monday thru Thursday was spent fixing whatever I tore up the weekend before for the following weekend.  I am in no way trying to imply here that I was good at this,  we’ll say I was a strong average finisher.  A handful of top 5 finishes and plenty of 6th and 7th to last me a while.  Everything I did and everything I talked about revolved around my race car and I was okay with that.  I mean doing this was all I had ever known pretty much, before I was sitting behind the wheel of the D39 I was still always hanging out at the garage with my dad and my papa while they worked on my dad’s car and still always spending the weekend at race track.  Then one night in the middle of turn 3 & 4 this skinny mohawk spins out in front of me and I go plowing into his drivers side door.  For any that don’t live around here there are certain ones here that might as well be mini celebrities at our track, and that skinny mohawk which they called “Killer” was one of them.  I kid you not there was a tv show that came and did an episode on dirt track racing at Harris and they introduced him as the “local legend who can’t be beat”….*gag*.    I can’t even.  That night I ended up bending his tie rod and cutting is tire down and busting my radiator so my night ended right there in turn 4 with about 5 to go while Killer got to go in and change his tire and finish the race *insert heave eye roll*.  Well the big fat joke is on me because fast forward to the beginning of 2013 and I’m not only dating but moved in with that local legend and we were the power couple of the track….maybe because I was the only girl racing at the time so we were the only racing couple?? I may never know.

Starting my third year of racing I was determined, I was ready, I was……pregnant.  WAIT!!!!!! This is not even possible I remember saying only about 1000 times.  Fun fact for everyone I got pregnant on the first race of the season.  Go ahead and make a joke about celebrating the new season a little too hard…go ahead.  That is when I officially stepped out of my roll as the beast and into who I am now.

Josh’s wife and/or Tucker’s mom.  Or as some people like to call me “Josh’s old lady” I know I know charming isn’t it.  I mean who needs to know that my name is Nikki right?!?  I am married to my absolute best friend, yea yea yea, I get it everyone says it but I really kind of am.  We raced together, drank together, partied together, worked on cars together, and somehow fell in love along the way.  That little 3 year old is our Tucker Lee.  My little monster.  He is hilarious, and kind, and F*CKING WILD but omg does he keep us entertained.  Let me be very clear about what kind of wife and mother I am.  I do not cook every night even though I wish I did.  My son does not get a bath every single night.  There is usually at least one basket full of dirty laundry in my house at all times even though I would love to get it all finished.  My son runs and screams more than I feel is normal but it’s not hateful so I just let him go.  If I could describe myself I’d say I’m the world’s okayest mom.  At least everyone is clothed and fed even if how they got that way wasn’t the most ideal  right?  I mean Tucker isn’t the stinky kid and Josh has on clean underwear so WIN WIN.

So back to my point on why I am here.  I want to take the beast from 2012 and Josh’s wife/Tucker’s mom of today and meet them somewhere in the middle.  Surely I can’t be the only wife and mother that missed who and what she was before she became these things right?  Being Josh’s wife and Tucker’s mom is so absolutely satisfying and I am incredibly blessed to have them both in my life.  But….I miss what made me Nikki a few years ago.  I want to find how to be all three within reason.  So here is to the journey of being the worlds okayest wife/mom/race car driver.